Featured

Real Talk!

Hi, I am writing today about my personal struggles. A lot of you out there will relate to my issues and others may learn or pass by me. So enjoy the content 🙂

Issue

I have been and I am still fighting Depression. For those who don’t know what depression is I would describe it as my own mind fighting me. Personally, I have struggled with the low moods, no motivation, lose of my passions and extreme mood swings!

Now me being me thinking it is something that can be fixed straight away with a talk or medicine when that is far from it! I disguised mine with methods such as alcohol to feel that good feeling but months later it came back worse than ever.

For me I feel like I lose all control of my emotions leading me to become child like again. I know it is my mind and my choices but when you don’t know WHY it is happening a natural instinct is to lash out or isolate yourself. I mean for me it has taken control over so many aspects of my life such as, work, relationships and my body image.

Work

A job I once loved I let my mind take over and handed in my notice after 7 years because the stress got too much for me to handle. It left me jobless but I moved to my next workplace and it was fine for a while but same happen again. I let my mind control me when I should be the one controlling it! It has lead me to jump from job to job in the look for the right one. When I look back yes some of my jobs weren’t good for me but I let my mind control what I did. I have struggled finically and even had to take time of because my emotions got the best of me.

Relationships

The next big impact depression has had on me is the relationships I have with everyone. I pushed people away because I didn’t like the person I had become. I stopped visiting my friends as much because I felt like a burden to them, as I didn’t know how to explain it when I didn’t understand it. My boyfriend having to live with my extreme mood swings changing every second. The fact I dropped a pizza on the floor while trying to cut it made me scream and burst out into tears. Again lacking control of my emotions and my mind. I laugh about it now but at the time all I could think is ” why I’m not even good enough to cut a pizza.” My mind getting into that thinking pattern and changing the way I acted.

Body image

The never ending cycle of loving your body is so draining but when I add my depression on it is worse. I am over eating food as if they are my emotions. The lack of motivation to exercise to help me lose weight but also, my other condition adding to me not losing weight. The self love for my body is not there. Depression has not helped me to over come this struggle.

The Pill

This little thing I took everyday to supposedly help my body and hormones but it just added to my depression. This was due to me already having an hormone imbalance in my body. The pill didn’t work for me it heightened all my emotions more leading to uncontrollable crying and angry.

Overcoming it all!

I know it is not going to be a quick fix journey for myself it will take time which I am going have to be patience with. I have started to control my breathing when I do lash out to calm my body down. I have stopped taking the pill to get my imbalanced hormones back. I have taken on a new hobby to help me relax down after my days. There are other things such as, talking to others about my issues, meeting up with friends and reminding myself I control me not my body controlling me 🙂

That’s all for today if anyone has any other good advice please comment below to help me and fellow readers out there 🙂 And if your struggling remember you are not alone!

X Vick X

Getting there!!

Hello fellow readers and writers, I am doing a short post on my progress with my mental health journey. Enjoy 🙂

I am back at an old job that I enjoy and I have been welcomed back with open arms. It has really helped me mentally to feel wanted and welcomed! As some of you know when you get in that dark head space the little things like someone talking to you negatively can flip that switch in your head so easily. So I have helped myself by doing this to recover mentally.

But further to my progress I am losing weight by eating healthier and stopping constant takeaways. It has motivated me to continue this as my body image and self love have definitely gone down seen my depression. I do hope to get more motivated to exercise at least 3 times a week. Though struggling with my mental health still it does make it harder to motivate myself when trying to remind a float.

However, I am getting there step by step I feel better in my self and I feel I am re gaining parts of the old me I have missed such as, laughing more and smiling more. The little things really do make a difference as they say be kind to others as you don’t know what anyone is going though behind closed doors.

I think what has helped my recover journey too is talking to my dad and his wife as they are fellow suffers of depression. They understood my struggles and helped me set plans into place to recover slowly rather than overwhelming myself.

That is all my updates for the moment! Let me know in the comments and tips that has helped your mental health. Be kind always 🙂

x Vick x

New Month! Healing me!

Evening fellow readers! Today I am going talk about the steps I am trying to heal myself:)

First Steps

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

My first personal goal is to clear my debts and my dad has really supported and helped me get out a never ending overdraft! Plus I am making instalments to pay off a credit card before the interest starts. It coursed me to stress about money and paying off my debt in time but I will get there with the support around me.

Next Steps

To work on my fitness and mind to help me love my self again! I am going to start this by little steps of daily walks following no takeaways to help my diet. I want to get my mind back on track as well as my body 🙂

Also,

I want my own house to allow me to have my own space and area to live rather than living under someone else’s house. This will take time like everything else but I am trying to be better for myself.

Here is to me focusing on my first goals to help me heal myself to feel like me again!

Short but sweet today 🙂 Have a good evening everyone!

x Vick x

Where my passion for reading started!

Photo by Miguel u00c1. Padriu00f1u00e1n on Pexels.com

Hi readers I hope everyone is doing good this April!!! I have had a bad start to April with losing a job but I will keep moving forward! Today I’m going to talk about my reading passion. I hope you enjoy 🙂

Reading

I think reading became my passion when my English teacher provide a few of us with a book called “Noughts & Crosses” by Malorie Blackman. I will never forget the feeling of getting hooked into a good book! It lets u escape your reality and become part of another. I then read The Mortal Instrument series after and since then I have been so passionate about books and reading.

It is mainly what I started this blog for too as it provided me with space to review some of the books I was given to read. But a question for my readers is do you have a favourite author or book? As a true reader I could never pick but a favourite author is easy for me as I have loved and read all her books! The author is Sarah Dessen and I think I love her because she writes such good young adult stories that kept me hooked throughout. My favourite book of hers is “Lock and Key” it is such a lovely book about first love and I recommend to read!

Also, my passion lead me to Bookstagram. It created a platform for booklovers to connect there love for reading to each other. It helped me a lot through covid times being stuck at home all the time. I have not been active at all on it recently but that is due to my mental health and I hope to find the time to connect again with the lovely platform.

The image above is taken from recent holiday in Iceland and you can never take the bookworm away from me as I saw this bar and all around was books! It was like a dream for me. But I lost my reading due to my mental health struggle and I know I will return to reading many books again just within time!!!

That’s all for todays blog I hope you enjoy reading it:) Don’t forget to comment your favourite books and authors!!

X Vick X

Returning to writing!

I have been struggling to be motivated due to my mental health. I am back to try and post weekly updates of my writing or what I am up to. So today I am leaving you all with a poem. Enjoy 🙂

Fire

Burning with desire to fly.

Swirling with your magic,

waiting, thinking and listening.

………………………………………….

Starting with a small burst of light.

Growing into something dangerous.

Spreading around me like the air I breath.

………………………………………….

Stop! Stop! Stop!

It has grown too wild!

Control these flames I cannot tame!

……………………………………………

Liquid dripping onto the light that has flamed.

Extinguished the heat and danger.

For now it smokes away.

Thank you for reading 🙂

x Vick x

Wave

Wave

Sailing through each day waiting, hoping for change.

There you stand tall to the eye but small to me.

The change in you is strange.

Moving freely like we all want right?

Crashing around with no control!

Will no one help me?

Stop! moving forward and back

Stay still and shine brightly!

I hear you all the time, yet I don’t see

You destroy, chase and bring people down.

But you cheer people’s sprits with your presence

Danger surrounds you as you summon people in.

Sinking deeply surround by the waves you created.

Holding my breath, hoping for waves to take me away,

Waiting, Moving, trying as the waves crash against me.

Thanks for reading 🙂

x Vick x

I’m back bitches!

Hello fellow readers, I am back after time away.

Where have I been?

New Relationship
Mental health struggle
loss of motivation

New Relationship

I met new boyfriend by training him on the job at maccies. We was friends first then fell for each other (cliché I know haha). So, yeah been busy going on dates with him and enjoying life. My new number one supporter 🙂

Mental Health Struggle 😦

It started last year after I got my heartbroken by someone. It was a downward spiral from there and it made me not eat and my emotions were really low 😦 My body image was effected by my moods and emotions. I didn’t feel like me and I started hurting myself to feel alive and to use it as a way to say it was my fault I was a mess. I now only get phrases when I breakdown or feel low now which is progress rather than feeling it all the time. I think one of my problems was I didn’t like opening up about my emotions to anyone and I’m still working on that.

Loss Of Motivation

Due to my mental health struggle I lost what I was passionate about which is reading and writing. I went a year without reading compared to the year before were I was reading most nights. I neglected them and myself so, here I am writing again and slowly getting back into reading 🙂

Next time-

I am going to write a poem to get me back into it! Also, want to start doing weekly updates on my blog.

Thank you for reading 🙂 I will be back soon with a new post

X Vick X

Ice

Hard to the touch, Clear to see and hard to forget.

The touch you left me confused as the texture changed.

Melting as I cradle the LAST of your touch!

See through but I was blinded by the shine.

………………………………………….

It imperilled right through my heart !

Slipping through my fingers, hoping, longing and trying to forget.

Lasting longer than it should, why can’t I let you go ??

Clear to see but hard to forget!

………………………………

Flowing as melted water through my hands,

Not wanting to lose you out my life.

All I want is to wish you the best but forget you.

Ice like you piercing my heart and brain!

String

Been a while but here’s a new poem by me 🥰

Placed in front of me lose and detached

I slowly wrapped it around my fingers,

Holding , hoping for a chance to that won’t happen.

Lose and unbound to anyone or anything

………………..

I tried to make you mine but no such luck.

The string snapping like my heart shattering.

The snapping so unbearable around me

What can I do? What should I say ? Should I say anything?

………………….

Slowly, consuming my fingers with each string.

Let me be free from this feeling of pain.

I don’t want you stuck on my brain !!

Trying to break through the strings to get back to the old us!

……………..

Stringing the pieces back for I don’t want to lose you !

You mean to much to me I just need to loosen the strings !

Give me time to heal, give me time to suffer,

Give me time to go back to normal.

Thanks for reading !!

X Vick X

Wind

New Year New poem to read !!! Hope you enjoy reading it 🙂

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Floating all around me so delicate and light,

you surprised me with your presence!

Drifting slowly, the breeze to take its toll.

Naturally blowing hot and cold.

……………..

But sometimes you vanish like you wasn’t there.

Changing direction never knowing which way next.

Hoping for a gush of strong wind to show me the way!

Breezing through the days just as it was.

………………..

Your presence comes and goes like the shift in weather.

Blowing strong sometimes but nonexistence the next.

How do I know which way to go ?

Wandering through the gaps to breath the air you breath.

………………………………………….

Inhaling the air in which you blow around me waiting….

For nothing, something or anything.

Make a sound or be quite that is the choice!

Slowly consuming all around me for the decision to be made!

Thanks for reading 🙂 Lets make this year the best!!!

X Vick X