Hi, I am writing today about my personal struggles. A lot of you out there will relate to my issues and others may learn or pass by me. So enjoy the content 🙂
I have been and I am still fighting Depression. For those who don’t know what depression is I would describe it as my own mind fighting me. Personally, I have struggled with the low moods, no motivation, lose of my passions and extreme mood swings!
Now me being me thinking it is something that can be fixed straight away with a talk or medicine when that is far from it! I disguised mine with methods such as alcohol to feel that good feeling but months later it came back worse than ever.
For me I feel like I lose all control of my emotions leading me to become child like again. I know it is my mind and my choices but when you don’t know WHY it is happening a natural instinct is to lash out or isolate yourself. I mean for me it has taken control over so many aspects of my life such as, work, relationships and my body image.
A job I once loved I let my mind take over and handed in my notice after 7 years because the stress got too much for me to handle. It left me jobless but I moved to my next workplace and it was fine for a while but same happen again. I let my mind control me when I should be the one controlling it! It has lead me to jump from job to job in the look for the right one. When I look back yes some of my jobs weren’t good for me but I let my mind control what I did. I have struggled finically and even had to take time of because my emotions got the best of me.
The next big impact depression has had on me is the relationships I have with everyone. I pushed people away because I didn’t like the person I had become. I stopped visiting my friends as much because I felt like a burden to them, as I didn’t know how to explain it when I didn’t understand it. My boyfriend having to live with my extreme mood swings changing every second. The fact I dropped a pizza on the floor while trying to cut it made me scream and burst out into tears. Again lacking control of my emotions and my mind. I laugh about it now but at the time all I could think is ” why I’m not even good enough to cut a pizza.” My mind getting into that thinking pattern and changing the way I acted.
The never ending cycle of loving your body is so draining but when I add my depression on it is worse. I am over eating food as if they are my emotions. The lack of motivation to exercise to help me lose weight but also, my other condition adding to me not losing weight. The self love for my body is not there. Depression has not helped me to over come this struggle.
This little thing I took everyday to supposedly help my body and hormones but it just added to my depression. This was due to me already having an hormone imbalance in my body. The pill didn’t work for me it heightened all my emotions more leading to uncontrollable crying and angry.
Overcoming it all!
I know it is not going to be a quick fix journey for myself it will take time which I am going have to be patience with. I have started to control my breathing when I do lash out to calm my body down. I have stopped taking the pill to get my imbalanced hormones back. I have taken on a new hobby to help me relax down after my days. There are other things such as, talking to others about my issues, meeting up with friends and reminding myself I control me not my body controlling me 🙂
That’s all for today if anyone has any other good advice please comment below to help me and fellow readers out there 🙂 And if your struggling remember you are not alone!
X Vick X