Opening Chapter!

After my last post, I left a few sentences from opening of story i have started. I would love some feedback in the comments on improving my work. Also, don’t be shy to say why you don’t like it all feedback is welcome 🙂

Once a upon a time there was a little girl named Ivy. She hadlong silky hair which was black with blonde tints, some called her a witch. Healways saw her from above that’s where the sky people lived. Ivy trained dailyto build her strength for there was no help in the pit, her brothers hated herall but one. Joseph had a muscular frame which allowed him to protect hisfamily. “Ivy” Joseph spoke so softly. “Yes?” She dropped her sword turned toface him. “I bring news” Ivy reached for a towel to wipe the sweat from herface. Joseph came and sat with his young sister, he saw the fear in her eyes.“I have been called to the sky people for service….” Ivy stood up in angry “NO!they cannot take you from me Joseph” She knelt on the floor covering her tearsas she wept, he knelt beside her bringing her into a hug. “I know Ivy if it wasup to me I would be here with you to watch you grow up. It is the king’s ordersand you know they must be obeyed. She looked into her brother’s eyes and sawthe love he carried for her and the fear of what was to come. He reached intohis pocket and placed a necklace, placed with a black gem with red shiningthrough it. “It’s so beautiful, I cannot take this Joe.” She placed it in hishands he stood up and placed the necklace around her neck it fitted perfectly.“You must take it, think of it as something to remind you of me” He smiled hischeeky grin. “Fine, I give in.” Their father entered the room taking up thewhole door frame, he had his arms crossed over his chest. “Joseph it’s time toleave the plane is here, Ivy you shouldn’t keep your brother from getting thereon time.” Joseph looked one last time at Ivy as she walked towards the door toher room. Ivy never spoke up to her father as he was not a kind man he abusedhis power. Her room had little in it expect a mirror she walked over and stoodlooking closely at her necklace. “One day we will meet again brother for I willnot stop until I do.”

Thanks for reading my post 🙂 I did a cringe opening of using once upon a time haha.

x Vick x